Driving While Under the Influence of Dogs

So we used to live in Kailua-Kona. Which explains why everyone we know is on the other side of the island, about 2 1/2 hours away. This morning I wanted to attend the funeral service for a friend's deceased mother. But Tank, one of our dogs, has ulcers in his eyes that cause them to be all red and gunky, and he has to have eye drops administered every hour on the hour, and three times a day on the half hour. I have a schedule written out as four different medications are at work here.

I thought that Scott, would be back in Mountain View the night before to take over doggy nursing duty but our evil Jeep was in a demonic trance and would not start, which meant he was stuck in Kona. So I had to take the dogs with me.

Now I have three children and have multitasked before the verb became so overused. But kids eventually learn to use the toilet on their own, and dogs still need to be walked. Anyway, getting out of the house by 7:30 a.m. this morning involved showering, ironing, walking the dogs, and somehow trying to look somberly elegant without looking morbid for a sad occasion.

First problem: really cute beige capri pants had weird leopard spot looking stains that were not apparent until I was done ironing and put them on. Solution: wear my old court appearance iron wear polyester pants from Benetton. They still fit somewhat, and that pleases me.

Dogs have been walked and are tricked into getting into the truck and I have driven out the gate, gotten down to lock it, gotten back in to drive out the street, and then realized that I did not bring my hairbrush and makeup which I was going to use at one of the eyedrop stops. No big deal as I have not gotten far so I back up to the gate, leave dogs in the car with motor running and NPR blasting on radio (some Brazilian philanthropist was helping out the poorest children of Brazil by ensuring they could hold intelligent and fascinating conversations). I run down the gravel driveway in my 2 inch rope fiber sandals which I bought in Gingoog for 78 pesos, the equivalent of $1.50. I concentrate on being fleetfooted and make it all 150 feet to the front door when I realize that the house keys are still in the car. I run back and forth, grab my toiletries and set out again with my canine charges.

In fifteen minutes, I am almost to Volcano (yes, we live within spitting distance of an active volcano) when I realize that I can't remember if I turned the iron off........ I turn around cause I can't live with the mental mind game of Did I or Didn't I? As it turned out, I didn't. Phew, good thing I went back. Oh well, time for eye drops.

An hour later, I pull over in Naalehu, famous for sweet bread and over priced junk food when it is time again for eye drops. Good thing I am wearing iron wear polyester pants as I kick off my $1.50 sandals and clamber into the back seat to chase Tank around the back of the truck. He sees the eye drops in my hand and stands up to the half open window. "Nooooooo!", I yell. He jumped out into the road anyway. That window was a good 4 1/2 feet off the road. Tank is a really agile dog.

F**k! The truck is parked next to a really busy road. I somehow knelt into a dog dish full of water. I have no shoes on. I jump down onto the road to chase down and capture my fugitive dog while barefoot. Doggy is really a wuss so I immediately collar him and order him back into the truck. I roll up the windows and try with the eye drops again.

No other remarkable events took place except Buddy (the other dog) urinated in the back, requiring me to pull over, wash the back out with water and dried it up with a partially chewed roll of paper towels.

Eventually, I get to the church in Konawaena with time to spare. I brush my hair, put on my make up and sandals, and tuck my shirt into my polyester pants. I brush the dog hair off and pay my respects. The dogs sat in the truck and behaved. Survived another day of driving with dogs.